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Subject: HALLOWEEN COSTUME DILEMMA
A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.Very truly yours,Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.Very truly yours,Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours,Acme Costume Co
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Yesteday, in mentioning the Crossroads 2007 Guitar Festival I suggested checking out Jeff Beck playing with his daughter. That just doesn't sound right. Trading licks with his daughter? No, that ain't right either. How about sharing guitar duties with his bass playing teenage daughter? Now I am politically correct.
Way back "in the day" Frank Zappa did a song in which someone asked "if she was your daughter, what would you do, daddy?" To which the sick industrial politician father answered "I'd smother my daughter in chocolate syrup and plug her 'til the cows come home....." I wonder how he felt about writing and recording that song after he had his own daughter?
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I especially liked this one from our friends at the Onion.
Just another week in the salt mines. Bub
Sagittarius By the end of the week, you'll be the nation's foremost expert on muskrat attacks, industrial glue mishaps, and rare Egyptian curses.
See All Horoscopes
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Check out the League of Women Voters homepage for non-partisan information about the candidates. Clink on the link to your state to see what is at stake locally.
http://www.lwv.org/Election2008/index.html
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What? A word older men use because they can't understand every word of a statement made by a woman three rooms away. This is guaranteed to lead to many of the words in the following list of words women use. [don't ask me how I know, Bub]
From: Cousin Bonnie
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men... A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--K YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. * Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!! [??????]
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The Humane Society of the United States
https://community.hsus.org/humane/home.html
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Watch AARP’s video today and find out who your fellow Americans are electing to bring real change this November. The best person for the job may just surprise you.
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ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!
Just click on the link below, click on play, and then leave the mouse alone. Sit back and enjoy a piece of IT creative brilliance. Somebody spent A LOT of time here!!
http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf
Cheers
Bill
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More Mother [Earth News] Knows Best
Pour me a tall one!
HAPPY HOMESTEADER
Plant Edible Ground Cover
If you are planning on replacing your lawn, you have a few more choices than you think.
I'd rather pick berries than mow.
SAVE MONEY
Live on Less and Love It!
These 75 ideas will inspire you to enjoy life more while spending less. Learn how you can have fun and save money, ultimately living a better, wiser life.
Let’s cut the budget.
GROW IT!
12 Rules of Raking
Quick and easy tips to ease the burden of collecting those fallen harbingers of autumn.
Help me rake it.
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Crazy about plants?
Check out these sites:
www.wildflower.org/explore
http://plants.usda.gov/index.html
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